Monthly Archives: March 2014

More Words I Don’t Like

I think these are bananas
More words I don’t like:
Bub-bye. What the hell? What does “Bub” mean?  Is this some infantile way to say bye-bye? Which is also quite childish, I might add.

Tummy. You only use this word when speaking to a child for a short period of time when the child is around 1.5 years old until the child is about 3. After that, it’s just a stupid nonsensical word with almost no resemblance to the word stomach other than the T and the M. That’s not enough to make the word acceptable for use by people over the age of 5 or 6. Nor should children be encouraged to use the word after they are 3 years old. 4 Tops.

Incentivize. Even though this is a real word, it shouldn’t be. I own an incentive travel company, a place where this word might be legitimately used, but I’m telling you that if you say you incentivized someone, it sounds like you just removed their spleen.

Antidisestablishmentarianism. I know you won’t believe me when I say this is a real word but it is. I don’t need to make any comments about why this is not something anyone should never say in earnest. Or even as a joke. This is total waste of perfectly good letters.

My name is Jane if you need anything. A context-dependent name? Huh? I know this is a phrase and not a word but think about it. If her name is Jane only when you need something, what do you call her when you don’t?

Ostensibly and purportedly. These pretty much mean the same thing: if you use either word you are a pretentious snob.

(More words I don’t like coming soon.)

Where is everything?

As most of you know, the universe is very close to spatially flat. This spatial flatness is possible when the mass-energy density of the universe is equal to the critical density. (don’t stop reading, this is going to get interesting soon)

So here’s the problem:

Even though we know that the universe is missing a LOT of mass (since the mass-energy density doesn’t reach the critical density) and the total amount of matter in the universe INCLUDING Dark Matter, is STILL only 23% of what is needed to bring the density up to the critical density…AND we add in the 73% of Dark Energy that the theories and calculations tells us that has to exist, there is still 96% of the universe missing.

Misplaced. Lost. Out of bounds. Unseen. Just doesn’t seem to there. No evidence to suggest it exists at all besides (generally accepted) theory.

Think about it.

WE KNOW NOTHING ABOUT
NINETY SIX PERCENT OF THE UNIVERSE. 

That’s right. Everything we know consists of atoms and light, gravity, electromagnetism, both the strong and weak nuclear forces, planets, stars, galaxies, Pepsi bottles and even our biological bodies only amounts to 4% of what we can see and measure. All the rest is a complete mystery. 96% of everything that has to exist doesn’t seem to exist.

(see Emily, I didn’t mention God even once!)

God is Imported

Yesterday, I was asked how I managed to bring God into a conversation about a bizarre customer service rep story. Actually, it is very easy to bring God into the room because He’s already there. Yes, God is everywhere all at the same time. It’s a little like air; which is also everywhere (almost).

No conversation is ever overlooked by the Almighty. It doesn’t matter if you’re talking about sports, TV, social injustice or the fact that the Kardashion’s TV show was cancelled after 7 years.

So, let’s talk about Atheism. God is very interested in Atheism. He considers Atheists the loyal opposition. In fact, God has a special dark place in his heart for Atheists, but we shouldn’t go there because, as you know, God is listening. Since we can’t fathom the complexity of God’s intellect, we can never know if we will displease him so why chance His displeasure.

God could just erase you from existence. It would be like you were never born. The cool part of this trick is that nobody would even know God had smitten you in this most grievous yet clever manner. To ensure that God doesn’t obliterate people, religion was formed to make sure God always notices us and what we’re doing on His behalf. People have attempted to accomplish this is different ways.

The Muslims want to be noticed but are very sensitive about the fact that their religion is the new kid on the block. Unfortunately for them, they don’t have enough centuries between now and the time that their Jesus-like prophet guy lived on earth. This means their claims to religious superiority can almost be examined directly through the study of history. Muslims, therefore, can not help but get caught up in scientific theory and empirical data studies. Most Muslims would kill for an elemental table.

WE WANT BROMINE and we WANT IT NOW!

 
But the Jews are the opposite. They’re the grandfathers of the modern monotheistic religions. They don’t have a historical Jesus-character to worship but they have something much better. They have the God of the Old Testament. Any religion that can live through the time of the Wrathful God of the Old Testament deserves respect and God has always taken notice of everything Jews do. They are not called “God’s People” for no reason. The Jews have so many laws and religious practices that even God can’t keep them all straight in His mind. This is a very effective method of keeping God sidetracked while secular Jews eat pork and marry goyem. 

I love Christians the most.


No discussion about God can be made without mentioning God’s favorite people. No, I’m not talking about the Mormons. God does, in fact, want more Mormons but he wants them on other planets. No, what God REALLY likes is Christians. The more a Christian religion mentions Jesus, the more God likes that religion. The Christian God comes in three flavors: God the Father, God the Son, and Beer. God also likes new interpretations of his famous book, the Bible, and enjoys alternate endings and cleverly hidden Easter Eggs within the texts.

Jesus likes beer.

So I think I have explained why it is easy to talk about God no matter what else you started out to discuss.

I have a problem…

the true table of elements

I have lightening like reflexes. You’d be amazed, actually. But one of my greatest impairments is my dismal ratio of successes and failures in regard to plugging in an electrical cord, iPhone charger, USB cord or any other cord that can be inserted into its receptacle in only one way. You know what I mean. Electric cords have two prongs, one is wider than the other; USB cords have an “empty” slot and a connector slot. I haven’t done a complete analysis but I think my ratio of choosing the correct position in which to insert a cord is probably something like 80% wrong and 20% right. This means I have to turn the plug over or reverse my approach. It’s a real problem.

You’ve heard it all before

Banks are stupid

I called my bank to ask them to add a new account I had opened to the accounts that can be used with their online Bill Pay service. This is not a complicated request.

I also asked them to change the name of one of the other accounts. Again, not a challenging task.

Result?
A 10-12 minute phone conversation with the customer service rep with a very unpleasant attitude who would begin to explain things to me before I had finished asking my question. After she explained to me what it was she thought I was asking, I would then ask her my actual question. This irritated her and it was clearly apparent by her tone of voice. At some point, she asked me for some account security question and I answered it. She told me that it was an incorrect answer. I told her it was correct. She wouldn’t accept my answer. I asked her to ask me a different security question, she said that I had to answer the one she’d asked. I told her that I had given her the right answer and I repeated it. She then needed to “reach out” (I HATE that term) to her “management team leader,” AKA a person paid to think harder than she did.

On hold for about 2:30 min. and then she comes back and tells me the account I want to assign a new name to cannot be changed because I was logging on to online banking with the wrong username and therefore I couldn’t access online banking.

This is stupid for two reasons.

1) she totally forgot that I hadn’t answered the security question correctly and she was discussing my account with me without establishing that I was indeed the account holder.

 2) in the course of the conversation, she asked me to send her a screen shot of the page I was looking at to show her where it was I wanted to make an account name change. In order to DO this, I would have to be logged in to the Bill Pay service (something she had just told me that I could not do).

Result?
A decision that adding the account to Bill Pay was possible but would take a “couple of days” to be setup. (After all, it would involve a few people pushing a few computer buttons and that does take time).

She said: “we’re really closed and trying to get out but we’re just trying to get this problem done.” Then she said she’d call me in the morning. (To address the complicated process of changing an account name.)

Result?
The account I wanted added to the Bill Pay service was added. However, instead of naming the account Dion Properties (the name of the account) it simply appeared with the last four digits of the account number.

The return phone call to address the other issue of changing the other account name didn’t happen. As a result I still have an account named “rental” and a new unnamed account that the bank MADE me open to handle Dion Properties banking because once I opened the magical banking can of worms, they discovered that the current account for Dion Properties that I had been using for the last 4 years was not allowed.

Why?
Because it was a personal account and not a business account. I told them it was a business account. They disagreed. I told them the name of the account type was called: Business Premier Owner Legacy. They said it WAS a business account but that they had discontinued that account type “years ago.”

I hung up.

Cheating is Fleeting

Cheating at a game is both lame and not cheating. Game playing is not a serious endeavor and therefor cheating becomes irrelevant (but do remember the bit about it being lame).
I used to play a game (and occasionally still do) called Scramble.
Scramble is fun
 SCRAMBLE
It’s a game played on an iPhone/iPad. The object is to make as many words as possible within a certain amount of time. You do so by gliding your finger across the letters on a grid (see above picture). When you take your fingers off of the screen, if you have made a legitimate word, you earn points which are determined by the letter values attached to the letters and the length of the word. 

It’s fun.

I once mentioned the game to someone with religious convictions. I indicated that I had accomplished a very high score and explained my strategy.
My plan of attack was to start a new game and immediately examine the letters on the board to look for a favorable playing field. By this I mean that I would scan the board and if I didn’t see letters I wanted to be in play or did see letters that I did not want to see in play, I would end the game and start anew.
Upon hearing my approach in obtaining a high score, the religious person told me that I was cheating. I found her comment absurd. She said it with a smile, but she wasn’t kidding. She meant it. To her, game playing had moral implications and was a way to measure a person’s truthfulness and gauge their religious righteousness.
I will repeat that this is absolutely absurd; it is absurd for two reasons:
1)  it presupposes that there is a God and that religion is an activity that a God would have an interest in and
2)  it assumes that living a righteous life in the glorious graces of the Almighty Creator of the Universe is in part determined by one’s ability to play games with seriousness, integrity, and in accordance with God’s strict gaming laws
Did I mention how absurd this is?
… I have another game I’d like to mention. It’s called Seven Little Words and it is another game that I find very entertaining. I have, of course, developed my own irrepressible and conniving method to both play and be successful in the game. My approach is foolish in that it has no regard for the horrible consequences I am risking in regard to the final disposition of my immortal soul.
I will explain. In this game the player is shown seven descriptions or clues that when solved will result in correctly identifying one of the seven little words. In order to do so the player must connect a series of small groups of letters placed within boxes that contain two or perhaps three letters. (see picture below) If you connect the boxes in the correct sequence you will have your answer to the clues given. 

It’s fun.

7 Little Words
7 LITTLE WORDS

You have to figure out the first word before you can move on to the second in the series of seven little words.  My evil nature has prompted me to look at the list of seven words and if I cannot solve the first word, I go on to the next with the intention of going back to the first word later. Once you have grouped the correct boxes and come up with the right word, you can eliminate those boxes when you are trying to solve one of the other words. When I have correctly grouped a series of boxes I place a penny over those boxes so that I do not have to consider them again in the process of identifying the next word.

In other words, I cheat. Or do I?

The object of the game is to identify the correct word after examining the boxes and stringing them together in the right order. There is no mention of whether the use of pennies is illegal. There’s no rule that indicates you cannot look ahead to see if you can eliminate some of the letters before trying to figure out that first word.
What is the object of the game? Is it to entertain? Pass the time? Sharpen your analytical skills? I think it could be one or more of those things. But most importantly, I think the idea is to have fun.
I don’t see why God or religion has to stick their nose into the business of people having fun. It’s not really in God or religion’s wheelhouse to promote fun. 

But remember, after all is said and done, cheating is lame.

Unimportant News is all I got for today…

Another Rainy Day in Barre.
When it rains, it pours. They say we may get a snowstorm tomorrow or the next day. I don’t know if I believe it. Speaking of belief, do you understand the dynamics of how a moon or other object orbits a larger body such as a planet? It’s actually pretty cool. Technically, the thing in orbit is falling towards the larger object that has a greater gravitational effect on the orbiting mass than the other way around. But here’s the cool part, the thing in orbit is actually falling to the planet, sun, etc but it never quite stops falling. I can explain this much beter in person. Just ask. 
I just got my electricity bill but I don’t want to open it. There wasn’t very much sum in February, so I don’t think I’m going to like the amount due. This month, the solar array has had a LOT more sun so the next bill will definitely be OK. Maybe I won’t open the bill at all and just let them bill me next month with a balance due. That is probably the best way to go.
Do NOT antagonize a bandicoot.
New exercise mix in the works. Will have music from Cher’s newest release as well as Madonna’s. 
Also, work on my new CD continues. It seems that before I can record a song, I’m already working on the next one. I really have to start actually recording! I have 18 songs ready to go. I think the material falls into two camps. One is soft, dreamy stuff and the other is raucous bouncy fun upbeat crazy songs. I may have to make two different CD’s.

I can dream, can’t I?

Tick Central Magic Wishing Well
(these are all REAL wishes left on the Magic Wishing Well)
1) If I ate the world, would I be in trouble?
2) I wish to turn into a permanent female elephant with the elephant teeth and with the elephant flash and with the elephant also with the elephant muscles and with the elephant 1400tonne blubber weight and with the elephant brown skin and with the elephant internal organics and with the elephant big large ears and with the elephant big long nose trunk
3) I wish that at 3:30 AM any empty can of soda I have will be filled with a muscle growth potion that will bring a slight pain to my growth and I can see my muscles grow big enough to rip a shirt
4) My question is on Baba’s table but I’m not sure what the table means. 
5) will i ever get my wish and become the avatar like my dog that protects the world 
6) will the 99 cent stores close that i want and wish to close forever
7) Is there really a anti christ?
8) am I a person?
9) does my ex husband love his new girlfriend?
10) is Dominic Dobbs my twin brother?