Monthly Archives: July 2014

A Galactic Fairy Tale

A Galactic Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, a very long time ago, there was a galaxy belonging to a large galactic group with a furious galactic center. It was devoid of all life and compared to the billions of other galaxies in the universe that were teeming with life, it was a dead galaxy which made it extremely rare to the point of being one of kind.

It came to be that a very large comet impacted on a moon (about the size of the moon of earth) orbiting a near-earth sized planet and sent almost half of the moon’s mass out into space. In a very short amount of time, (approximately one month to 100 years) this debris coalesced into a ring consisting of billions of objects ranging from the size of a grain of sand up to the size of a small car. This moon-ring was beautifully lit by that solar system’s star and was amazingly unique in the entire universe.

Over the next several million years, small meteors and tiny comets of ice ran through the moon-ring and were either captured in the ring or smashed through it making it down to the surface of the moon. Each icy comet that made it to the surface of the moon melted due to powerful pulses of radiation emitted from the moon’s undulating nickel/iron core.

It took only a few million years for the water to begin to create an ocean that covered approximately half of the moon’s surface. It was the first ocean on any moon.

In the subsequent years to follow, after several millennia, a massive dark and dusty asteroid arrived into the moon’s galaxy and began a long journey of nearly 120,000 light years traveling deeper and deeper in towards the center of the galaxy. Along its way, the asteroid entered the star system that contained the moon and the planet it orbited. Due to the massive gravity of the asteroid and its trajectory, the asteroid caused the moon to be ejected from its orbit and it was thrown out into interstellar space becoming a rogue moon.

After the moon traveled nearly 4 billion light years, it entered the Milky Way galaxy. Soon after entering the galaxy, this moon’s path led it into a star system with an average sized star and 8 orbiting planets. After an uninterrupted and uneventful journey, the moon collided with the third planet in an average solar system in an amazing impact blowing nearly 20% of the planet’s mass out into space.
This ejected matter was quickly captured by the gravity of the remains of the planet and began to orbit around it in an irregular manner. In an extremely short period of time (in as little as month) the ejecta aggregated then coalesced into an entirely new moon.

The remnants of the rogue moon that remained in the planet were of a completely different nature from the planet’s original matter. As the two types of elements commingled, a huge virus, one that had been delivered in the composition of the rogue moon, so large that it could almost be seen with the naked eye, became energized by the star in this solar system.

For the next several million years, the virus remained dormant. At an undetermined time, after  slowly storing energy–the virus morphed and transformed through several stages of  development until it gained the ability to reproduce and begin consuming inanimate matter for supplemental energy. From this process, an atmosphere was formed and started to be filled with monomers which began to produce simple organic compounds. These simple compounds transformed into ever more complex molecules that accumulated along the ocean shores and in thermal vents.

Through a long and complicated process, life had been introduced to this once dead galaxy. After many billions of years, life spread from solar system to solar system until the galaxy became like all of the other galaxies in the universe; a galaxy full of every imaginable form of life.

Short version of the story:

There was a galaxy devoid of life.
In that galaxy, a comet collided with a moon ejecting 20% of the planet into space.
It formed a moon-ring.
Meteors and comets passed through the moon-ring.
They melted on the moon and created an ocean.
A dark asteroid arrived in the galaxy.
It nudged the moon out into interstellar space.
It became a rogue moon.
The moon entered the Milky Way galaxy.
It collided with a planet.
The rogue moon brought a virus to the planet.
The debris of the collision coalesced into a new moon that began to orbit that planet.
The virus transformed into the primordial soup of life.
Life came to be in the once dead galaxy making it like all the other galaxies in the universe.

I can see you

Why aren't we invisible?
Sometimes you can do everything right but still fall short. This is called religion. Religion is an ancient practice in futility that is thought to be essential to obtaining eternal life. The concept of dying and sliding into oblivion is horrific to people because they don’t believe that they are not the most important thing that has ever existed in the universe. 
The idea of a finite existence is so terrifying that the resulting backlash (religion) includes convoluted incomprehensible practices that are comprised of reprehensible atrocities disguised as piousness. This insanity is necessary to allow the human mind to be distracted enough to ignore the logic and lack of evidence to support the claims of religion. And although eternal life is both highly implausible and inconceivable to the human mind, it is the escape clause to the alternative: eternal nothingness.  
The same people who are afraid of a true death are also people who don’t seem to be bothered by the billions of years that occurred before they were born. Why isn’t that period of time equally repugnant? Why do people expect to live forever but not have already existed forever? Isn’t forever “from eternity”? If forever only includes all of the time yet to come, then where did the essence of what people believe themselves to be come from in the first place? Was there a time when they didn’t exist?

Relevance and Epistemology

The concept of relevance is studied in many different fields, including cognitive sciences, logic and in epistemology (the theory of knowledge). Different theories of knowledge have different implications for what is considered relevant and these fundamental views have implications for all other fields as well.

Is that clear?

This  can also be translated thusly:
Jack Sprat could eat no fat.
His wife could eat no lean.
And so between them both, you see,
They licked the platter clean.

Let’s talk about me

Firstly, I am NOT self-centered, egocentric, self-absorbed, selfish, egotistical or narcissistic.
I’m just better than you.
I can add large numbers up in my head. It doesn’t matter how big the numbers are. They can be in the millions, just give me two such numbers and I will immediately add them up in my head.
I can balance rocks on top of each other. It doesn’t matter how big the rocks are. They can be as big as houses; I can still get them balanced on top of each other.
I have met all of the Christians in the world. I can give you their addresses and average number of sins they commit in a week’s time.
I have had one of every item sold at Dairy Queen.
I know the elemental table by heart. I can identify the elemental composition of any physical object just by holding it In my hand.
I have tamed several fire-breathing dragons and taught them to say: “Excuse me” after they burn someone or something to a crisp.
I have counted all of the giraffes in Africa as of June 4, 2014.
I made up a magical fantastical realm and named it Hemmingway Woods. This is where I live.
I have the ability to fly using nothing more than a few cotton balls tucked into my vest pocket. I have flown over both the Atlantic and Pacific seas.
I have spent a weekend in the International Space Station.
I introduced Jesus of Nazareth to Jethro Tull.
I can keep a secret forever and never tell another living soul. I can also (at will) purposefully forget the secret and therefore ensure its secrecy. Once forgotten, I can choose to remember the secret at any time.
I single highhandedly filled Lake Massawippi with all the water it now contains. If I choose, I can empty the lake with just one careless gesture.
Although thought to be a whimsical invention created by the writers of the Roseanne show, l was the inventor of loose meat sandwiches and sold them in Portland, Oregon from 1966 through 1969.
I taught Madonna how to play the guitar.
There are 4 streets in NYC that bear my name (in some form).
I wrote many songs for Alice Cooper to sing including No More Mister Nice Guy.
I brought wheat grass to the attention of the general public and own the rights to its distribution throughout the modern world.  No wheat grass is sold anywhere without some residual payment made to me.
I named most of the islands in all the Pacific Sea’s archipelagos.  90% of the islands are named after one of my siblings.
I am responsible for the addition of “under God” in the Pledge of Allegiance. I thought it was sarcastic and funny but somehow people actually started to believe it. I believe it to be the only mistake I’ve ever made.
In the mid-eighties, I captured several white weasels and bred them in captivity until they were brought back from extinction. I then placed large communities of white weasels in various natural habitats through the world where they have since thrived and pretty much overrun the natural balance of the ecosystems in which I placed them.
I created religion so I could have an easy way to identify normal people from mindless automatons. It seems to be working well so far.
I accidentally caused Type-II supernovae to implode too closely to a neighboring star system but the good news is that red dwarf that was created will now burn for trillions of years.  
I removed the eleventh commandment from the (now known as) Ten Commandments because I didn’t think that people would take a cotton to the sin of eating snow.
I was the first person anywhere to shave his head. As a result, a maniacal nemesis shot me in the heart. The bullet was a through-and-through and the shell casing was never found. My heart healed after a few days and I have commissioned a search committee to find the errant shell casing so it can be added to the other artifacts that can be viewed in my personal museum.
I find stupid animals and then bring them to faraway lands where some indigenous predator will kill them.
I disband all the Squid Worshiping cultures that I find and supplant  their oceanic beliefs with the physics of cartoons.
I personally created all the parlor tricks used in the silent movies of the early 1900’s.
I drew up the blueprints for the Alamo, but the foreman on the job didn’t speak Sumerian (my native language) and mistranslated the word “palatial” as “diminutive.” The rest is history.

Essentially, I’m the most interesting person I know.

I was just wondering…

Don't let this happen to you!

While strolling through the cemetery I thought:
I don’t understand all the fuss.
There’s nothing here but marble and dust.
While walking through a supermarket I thought:
Why is almost all of the food on the shelves devoid of nutrition and jam-packed with white flour, excessive sugar and ridiculous amounts of unhealthy fats?
While running down a country road I thought:
What is that huge plastic kid’s teeter totter doing in the woods?
When lying still on my back in bed I thought:
Why is there a werewolf in my over-night rainstorm CD? 

When checking my email I thought:
Why does spam exist? We managed to go to the moon in 1969 using computers with less computational power than an average cell phone so why are we powerless to eliminate  superfluous and unnecessary trash-mail? 

When I hear about the amount of financial assistance given to other countries I thought:

Why are the top 5 countries receiving foreign aid from the U.S. Israel, Afghanistan, Pakistan, Iraq and Egypt?
When I see someone get a touchdown, sing well on a singing competition TV show, win an Emmy, Grammy or Tony award or accomplish anything significant I thought:
Why the hell are they pointing up to the sky? Is it some kind of “made you look” thing?
While contemplating my economic situation I thought:
Why do we spend in excess of 670 BILLION dollars each year on defense but can’t have universal national health care?
While spending hours and hours per week moderating, updating and improving the misophonia website and Facebook group page I wondered:
Why do people complain about messages left by people who are looking for answers to questions that may have already been asked before? And, why do people get riled up when someone makes a suggestion or expresses an opinion that they don’t agree with when the purpose of the group is to discuss all aspects of misophonia? And finally, why do people vent about off-topic subjects?

While waiting for summer weather I wondered:
Why is that pool filter running 6 hours per day?

Net Metering Mystery Solved

from zero to 999999

Here’s what happens when you generate enough electricity to run your electric meter backwards to zero. It doesn’t stop at zero, it resets to the meaningless number: 99999. No doubt that’s the highest number the meter can display.

Now for more fun… if I use enough electricity in the future (after using the credits I’ve racked up) will I get another chance to see the meter read zero?

I didn’t get to see it switch from zero to 999999…maybe I can catch it as it changes from 999999 to zero…?

News You Can’t Lose

God is not a bobblehead

Remember: if you want to send me something and have it print out on my computer – email it to: (prints the email and any attachment)

Tick Central's Magic Wishing Well

I want two crabcakes.
I wish I was so sorry for my regrets
I wish this felony goes away instantly
I wish I was a pyrite box
I wish that at the age of 30 I acted more like 31
My Wife People FBI come and get me out of pine bluff Arkansas
I wish to work in small groups