Monthly Archives: January 2016

I Wish I Wish I Wish I Was a Fish

MagicWishingWell2Visit the Magic Wishing Well

I wish I was a 14 year old woman. Which is like asking to be a bright shadow. The answer is therefore: no.

I want this wish to come true badly tomorrow. OK, but don’t complain when it doesn’t work out so well.

I wish I had a lot of boxes of matches under my pillows. All of them? I could could probably conjure up one box of matches but more than one would be extremely difficult to manage, I don’t have unlimited powers.

wishesOne

I wish Jesus had omega universal almighty new last testament power of recall. I think he has that and then some.

I wish to see a UFO flying over the great latkes. I forgot, remind me exactly how big are those Great Latkes?

latkes

I wish I could control water. Control over inanimate objects is not difficult. Have you tried?

WishesFive

I wish that my eye would be a orangish-amber color.  Which one?

I wish for deputation as Section Officer in Ministerial Chassis. OK, but he Regional Transmission Commissioner’s job is also available…

wishesSeven

I wish that Mr. Peabody and Sherman were real and at my house. They are.

I wish for my children to turn in their favorite characters. Are you sure? Because they’ll be branded as turncoats!

I wish for to have 900 googolplexian dollars every day. Sorry, there isn’t even 1 Google of money in the entire world. Not even close. BTW: In 1920 Edward Kasner‘s nine-year-old nephew, Milton Sirotta, coined the term googol, which is 10100, then proposed the further term googolplex to be “one, followed by writing zeroes until you get tired”.[1] Kasner decided to adopt a more formal definition “because different people get tired at different times and it would never do to have Carnera be a better mathematician than Dr. Einstein, simply because he had more endurance and could write for longer”.[2] It thus became standardized to 10(10100).

I wish that my purple purse I lost will come back home. Did you at least leave a trail of breadcrumbs for it to follow?

wishesTwo

I wish my family to get a chance to be dent free. Me too. People look better when not in dent.

I wish I had a natural vanilla smell. Are you an orchid? If not, then sorry, it’s not gonna happen anytime soon.

I wish a massive winter storm would start tomorrow morning at 8:30am and the person who causes the storm would be Elana Rodgrigues. Elana lost her winter storm powers in a card game last month.

I wish my father-in-law would die soon maybe in a week. OK, how’s Thursday for you?

I wish to become a really, really fast singer. OK but that might not be a lucrative way to make a living.

Wishes Four

I wish to win a huge lump of sump lottery. Gross.

I wish I could get the keys to a large green finch cage.  Do you want a large green cage for a regular sized finch or Large Green Finch in a regular sized cage?

I wish that Zoe would relax and accept that I have children inside me. She’ll come around eventually when you start showing.

Wishes Six

I wish my shrinkage potions worked. Me too, these wishes are giving me a headache.

I wish my eyes would turn green whenever I sing. Cool.

I wish I had unlimited powers including superpower – I think superpower comes with unlimited powers.

I wish to be reasonable and convert my families happiness into miseries. Miseries? Are you sure?

wishes Three

I wish my spirit to be real and not just a joke to everyone. Granted.

I wish that Domendan gets the panda she so much deserves – OK, but I just have to know, exactly what does one need to do to deserve a panda?

Letters to Jeff 1.4

Hi Jeff,

Disclaimer: this will be a long email so read it at your leisure… you may want to break it up into weekly installments. I’m sure this email will be somewhat disjointed. I enjoyed reading your email and I’m going to answer various questions and reply to topics you’ve brought up all in no particular order or with any pretense of continuity.

 About the 4th of July… Allen and I used to host a big 4th of July party every year from 2004 until 2012, the year we moved into our new house (moved from one side of town to the other). Besides the kids and my siblings/parents, approximately 40 people came every year although we pretty much only saw those people that one time a year. For the most part, they were friends of friends and family.

The party was a big deal, we had raffles and auctions and games. It was a huge production to pull off. Each year had a theme and I’d search out appropriate decorations, activities and prizes. One year, everything was orange; yeah, everything. There was a time that I played the keyboard and Allen sang (he can actually do that) for live entertainment. That turned out to be a lot more work than we anticipated and didn’t repeat that again. Well, maybe once.

I’m glad we stopped, it was a very labor-intensive project and it cost quite a lot of money as well. I think we ran out of steam over time and it started to feel more like a chore than a fun event that we could forward to each year. Now, we spend the 4th alone and we like that a lot.

Allen and I had a huge hobby farm at our last house. We had 7 different barns and sheds that housed  somewhere between 50-75 various kinds of chickens, 20-25 various ducks, white turkeys, Nigerian Dwarf goats, Alpine goats, Saanen goats, Pygmy goats, African geese, Embden geese, Red Golden pheasants, rabbits and probably other animals I can’t remember right now. The townspeople knew that when a farm animal needed a home, we’d probably take it in (except livestock). We sold eggs on the town common during the weekly Farmer’s Market and that income actually paid for all the feed, hay, shavings and other farming expenses. It was fun.

Recently, I’ve begun to set up for the return of the animals – I just finished an eight by ten foot chicken house and I’m almost done with the accompanying 30W X 8L X 10H attached aviary. You need a covered aviary here or hawks will take the chickens away (they try anyway). In the spring, I will order chickens – they actually come in the mail in lots of 25 (1-day old chicks.)

I understand about the exposure to the emotional content of message boards. The Facebook page is where I read most of the stories about Misophonia. It’s also where the crazies occasionally show up and need monitoring. I used to be drawn in to the pain and suffering people experienced but I’ve become more balanced in how it affects me and my reaction to the content. I’ve come to be able to enjoy the positive aspects of the group and how it helps people without taking on new triggers or becoming distraught over other people’s plight.

I agree, at some point we’ll meet. I haven’t mentioned you to Allen yet. I have a plan to arrange to attend a screening and surprise him with the trip. If I succeed, it’ll be the first time I’ve ever had a secret or made a plan for a trip of any kind. He’s the doer and planner in the family, I mostly just agree to his vacation plans, etc. Allen is the most knowledgeable and proficient travel director I know, by far. He has corporate inventive travel companies that have used him for their incentive travel programs for over twenty years.

I’m looking forward to the completion of the film. It’s going to be great, I can just tell. And, I get it, if you don’t get the appropriate funding and can’t make the film in the manner in which you wish, then you don’t want to compromise and make a lower quality film. That makes sense to me. You must be very proud of your company and this project in particular. You’ll be doing the misophonia community a great service. Bravo!

A note about what you mentioned about triggers and living with someone without misophonia: Yes, Allen is great about it – he does all sorts of things to help me. If he can make something stop tapping or clicking, he does, he tries not to crunch food around me – we tend to eat while watching TV which helps mask chewing noses quite well. The unspoken rule is that he’ll wait to eat until the TV volume is actually on. I don’t always ask him to refrain from some things he does that trigger me. I just can’t expect him to walk around without make any noise. I sometimes just cringe inside and find every muscle in my body tense as I prepare to jump out of my skin. If I do need him to stop something it usually goes well. Sniffling is also my worst trigger. I hate it, a lot.

If I understood you correctly, you’ve recently came out as both gay and as having misophonia. I’ve never come out as having misophonia. Only Allen and the kids are aware of it. I’m not interested in personally discussing it with my family or friends. I don’t like to be questioned and the idea of having a discussion about misophonia simply doesn’t appeal to me at all. I do my part by managing the website, support forum and Facebook page. I don’t care who knows that I have misophonia, if it comes up I acknowledge it then move on.

In regard to being gay, I came out at age 37. I was married to a woman at that time (hence having biological children). It was, as you might imagine, a difficult process but in the end it was both the right thing to do and the best thing I could have done. My ex and I are friendly, we’re not friends but there’s never been any animosity or fighting. She remarried at some point and Allen planned their honeymoon. In the larger sense, I’ve never had anyone get up in my face about being gay nor have I ever been aware of any hidden disapproval or sense of negativity. When I came out, I came out to my wife and kids, my co-workers at that time, my parents, siblings and other relatives all with about a week. It was quite a whirlwind. As I think I already mentioned, I met Allen 2 weeks later and we moved in together two weeks after that. Voila.

Ten degrees outside? Bring it on~~ I’m into it. I love snow, I don’t ski or do anything with it other than shovel it, snow-blow and plow it but I love doing those things. If I knew what I knew now, I would have moved to Alaska in the seventies and lived a sustenance lifestyle. Yes.

When Allen takes the truck to go to the airport and then flies off to foreign lands, I happily stay home and do whatever I want. If I absolutely must go somewhere (like to the emergency room after breaking an arm or elbow or cutting my hand open – all of which have happened at different times) I call one of my daughters and they take care of me.

We’ve had 5 dogs in the last 23 years but none of them have worked out which is to say I’m apparently not capable of having a dog, yet I love dogs.

Yes, please send me a few of those Quiet please… business style cards. That would be cool. Just send a couple; I don’t know anyone to give them out to. (Paul N. Dion, 458 Old Petersham Rd., Barre, MA 01005)

Flying around the country? Not me. I don’t fly. No. This amuses people when they discover I own a travel company. To get to Europe, I take a trans-atlantic cruise. That pretty much means taking the Queen Mary. I used to fly. I’ve been to dozens of countries and various places in the U.S. I’ve enjoyed traveling the world and I’m glad I made to places like Tahiti and Russia. But on the way back from Tahiti, Qantas Airlines tried to kill me in a 747. The plane had some kind of intense turbulence situation in which stuff was flying all over the cabin and the flight attendants were visibly freaked out and that was the deal-breaker for me. Flight attendants are never supposed to look scared. Ever. I never got over the experience and am now literally terrified to fly. This I discovered on a subsequent flight and it wasn’t pretty.

So for the most part, our vacations consist of camping. When I say camping, I mean living in a 27-foot travel trailer at a nearby camping resort. We bought a new trailer this year and it’s awesome. Camping is very relaxing and I do absolutely nothing of consequence while at the campground. Zip.

As for being in the film, I would like that a lot. I’m not the most confident interviewee, but given direction and suggestion and sedation (kidding about that last part) I might do alright. Including Allen and the kids would be a tremendous delight. It would be a very satisfying experience for me and the family. The kids are also very supportive and knowledgeable about misophonia. The younger daughter (Emily) helps as an admin for the Facebook group. Of course, you have to maintain the film’s integrity so who knows if including me/us would make sense. That’s your job to decide.

I think it’s time to let you go – if you’ve made it this far, your tolerance for the written word is remarkable. Thanks for your email correspondence, it’s a lot of fun and I do look forward to hearing back from you and meeting you someday. I also hope the funding finishes on target.

Notes:

  • In the amount of time it took to write this email – I’ve already told Allen about the project. It wouldn’t have been as much fun anticipating the completion of the film if he didn’t know about it all year long.
  • I didn’t proofread this email.

~a communicative Paul

Letters to Jeff 1.2

Hi Jeff,

Yes, I recognized you when I went to your production company website – and you are, in fact, a member of my Facebook group. I hope it’s useful to you. I try to keep up with everything posted and the comments – it can be a lot to do at times. It’s all worth it every time someone starts a post off with “I never knew there was a NAME for what I’ve been going through…” I’d say about 60-70% of all comments left on the misophonia website start out with such a statement. These people are often thrilled, yet still somehow sad and almost always relieved to discover they aren’t alone and that they’re not “crazy.”

Yes – I was the less interesting interviewee between the two Paul’s that were in the video segment you mentioned (insert smile here). The other Paul was very comfortable speaking on camera, plus what he said was coherent and interesting. I don’t even know what it was that I actually said. Also, he’s a musician which is interesting since he obviously does not “hate sound” any more than I do (I play the keyboard). In the 2.5 seconds of the video in which I am playing the keyboard I am playing an original song of mine. I did that on purpose in case a talent scout from America’s Got Talent was listening.

If you’re in Massachusetts and my husband is not out of the country on business, it’s possible that I could sit in on a shoot. I don’t often drive. OK, I don’t drive at all. So although I am capable of driving and have an actual license to do so it’s unlikely that I’d be seen anywhere near Boston on my own. Plus, if he’s away he’s taken the truck to the airport leaving me stranded here in the wilderness. He travels because of our corporate incentive travel company – we started it 16 years ago and it’s provided us a good living.

You’re in a twenty year relationship – that’s great. We’ll celebrate our 23rd this Sept. We don’t only count the years that we’ve been legally married – we consider our anniversary to be the day we met since I moved in with him two weeks later. Yes, really – two weeks. As for legal marriage, we have the distinction of being the first same sex couple to get a marriage license in Barre, MA which is as I mentioned earlier, a booming metropolis (of cows, hay and chuck wagons).

For now I will say goodnight. I hope you had a nice evening. I’m looking forward to the content of your “I have a lot more to say” statement. I enjoy email conversations. I find them entertaining and a place in which I can practice my wit and wisdom. Perhaps wit anyway.

~Paul

 

I’m not a religious person either – If pressed for a label – I say I am nontheistic. That aside, I do know what comma separated values files are (CSV) and how to use excel so I’m your man.

Send me the file with precise instructions with what to do with the data. Once I see the file and have your instructions I will be able to figure out how to get the information you need. This is the sort of thing that I excel at. Get it, excel…? Yes?

Elton John is awesome, of course.

Not good enough

My Tyros Keyboard, which cost more than my first 3 cars combined, wasn’t good enough for this guy….

 

No, No, No… he had to play TWO keyboards at the same time.

 

A Tyros wasn’t good enough for this guy either:

 

or even this guy:

 

and not even this guy:

 

and this guy? No, not him either…

 

No, not even this guy was satisfied with JUST a Tyros FIVE!

 

…and finally, this insane person who is PLAYING TWO TYROS KEYBOARDS AT THE SAME TIME!!!

WHY?